Reminders

I have recently been spending some time with a fellow cancer survivor. What a deep bond you can form with someone who has been where you have. We have talked a lot about the sneaky ways you can still be reminded of the mark cancer made on your life even long after it's gone. Being a glass half full kind of gal, I tend to cling to the blessings I have from being a cancer survivor. I feel I gained a love for life and adventure that I may not have developed had I not had cancer. That being said there still are reminders that from time to time almost reopen the wound, and leave me back in the grief process.

As an "I've been there" to anyone else who is a cancer survivor struggling with reminders. Here are some of my most recent reminders:

1. My14 inches... that's how long the keloid scar deformity of a reminder on my stomach is... I used to have various feelings on the grief cycle continuum every time I touched or looked at my stomach, now it is just when I wear a fitted shirt, or bathing suit that I am reminded. I also feel a painful reminder each time I try to do anything that would involve the use of my core muscles. I try to remember what it was like to be able to feel my stomach, and what it was like to be able to control those muscles. I went to a personal trainer recently, and felt so exposed as I struggled on the floor unable to do exercises I've seen PT's do with stroke patients at the hospital.

2. Hearing someone else has cancer: every time I hear of someone who has been diagnosed I am reminded. It opens feelings of guilt that I made it through, and that person may not, and feelings of fear of what cancer may do in the future.

3. The "past medical history" box on any paperwork: that pretty much means I will be telling someone else the who story, and get to hear "Oh, you're to young for that." which of course reminds me of the way I went from a 19 year old feeling "invincible" in the way that most teens do, to a 20 year old adult with cancer in one day, and the way Robert too had to step up to the plate when the rest of his friends were consumed with the joys of senior year of college.

4. My annual scans: for obvious reasons this continues to be a reminder

Of course in the midst of it all I am blessed, and love every minute of the life I have. The hope in all of this is that the reminders become less frequent, and less harmful with time. The way I react to them is all in my control, which is something Cancer could never take.

Ok, so that's all from serious blog land, back to the humor filled rambles you have come to know and love soon.

RED